i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
