I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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