she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
