I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize