It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize