That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
