I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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