the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
