he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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