I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
