Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
