Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize