someone get that fucking seahorse.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
