just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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