all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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