I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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