i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
