im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
