you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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