Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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