If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
