I'm so fucking centered right now
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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