it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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