Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
