Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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