Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
