I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize