I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
