a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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