She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
false alarm, still single
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