allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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