Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
