An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i will never coherently bang her
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
