He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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