my room smells like sperm. sweet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize