WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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