I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
