He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize