That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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