I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize