I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Rumble strips road head = magical
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
