I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
