It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Two words: blizzard sex
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
