We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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