Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
