If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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