Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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