haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
