Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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