You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
