Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
