Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize