he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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