Your dad touched me again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
