guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize