You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you're hired as official boob wrangler
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
