it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
