y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
