i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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