wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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