there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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