and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
