I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
