He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
