It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
