I need to stop coming to work sober
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
