Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
