Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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