I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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