Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
