i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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