I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
