Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
