so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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