You're my little dorito
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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