I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
