Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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