My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
