Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
