I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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