Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
