I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
