dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
