so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
