everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize