hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
