I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
