some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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