even my farts smell like vagina
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
