At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
