I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
