The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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