Screwed.edu
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
