i just wanna soil my oats bro
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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