im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry my hands just texted you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
