just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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