dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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