I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
