I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
