I'm jealous of your bromance
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
