the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
they need to just BURY HIM!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
