Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
