At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
