I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
