He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
