just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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