he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
