HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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