the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want her autograph on my taint
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize