he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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