I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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