in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
