So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
