Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
