Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
