Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
