when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
