Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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