when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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