That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
