so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
