I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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