seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
