Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
