I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
